I am a planner by nature. So there is no wonder why I have my “where do you see yourself in 10 years” mapped out like the United States. As a former event planner, project manager and strategy enthusiast, my brain works with thoughts of efficiency, effectiveness, productivity and opportunity.
Today started out as an ordinary day. Cartoons and coffee.
As we were doing so, I noticed something.
My oldest son holding my youngest son.
This is a normal occurrence.
But this morning it was different.
The waves of tears came crashing in. I quickly realized it was time to get my head out of the sand.
These emotions were a compilation of overthinking that has drowned me these last few weeks. Because my mind has been filled with thoughts on the future, I have not made space for the joy right around me.
This simple moment made me realize the mistakes I am making. Sometimes more than I would like to admit. I figured out these are the two problems I face by giving too much time and energy to my thoughts, and how I can do better thinking less.
Mistake 1 – Living for the future
I have spent so much time methodically planning out how I will get to the next step.
It’s no secret we are anxiously wanting to build a house. I am exhausting myself playing out scenerios on how we will get there. Contributing financially vs. staying home with the kids. Crunching numbers here. Sacrificing there.
I can do better by being present.
Recognizing the special moments.
Enjoying the time I have now.
Walking the wide open field.
Mistake 2 – Guilt
I have spent so much time wallowing in disappointment because of the things I haven’t done or want to do.
Whether if it’s a dirty house, an un-checked task list, or too much screen time, I feel failure. If I want to do something for myself, be alone, or have a date night, I feel ashamed. If I spend money, I feel undeserving. If I fall off course, I feel shameful.
I can do better by giving myself grace.
Respecting my needs.
Celebrating the small accomplishments.
I have spent too much time creating negativity by dwelling on what is to come.
What will be, will be. When the time is right.
Right now, I want to enjoy the blessings already given, create awareness in the moment, and spend my time soaking in the ordinary of the day.
The future will have to wait. I’m living for today.
Meadow Haven 